Would you be able to forgive the people who murdered your family and forced you into hiding?
Sitting in the pew at St. Joseph Church in Danville, I found myself asking exactly that question — and by the end of a retreat given by Immaculée Ilibagiza, I was beginning to understand how the answer might be yes.
Immaculée’s remarkable story of survival — recounted in her memoir Left to Tell — is widely known. She survived the Rwandan genocide of 1994 by hiding in a small bathroom with seven other women. The horrific story of what happened in Rwanda should be told far and wide and never forgotten; however, the retreat led by Immaculée at St. Joseph Church on April 24 and 25 did not dwell on the evil that exists in the world but gave a remedy to overcome it.
“No one is evil – one can do evil with the influence of the devil. But anyone can be good, too, and do good just by deciding, by changing their mind. Maybe if we inspire them more, if we pray for them more,” said Immaculée.
The peace that she receives from prayer radiates from her heart. She lives the message that she shares: pray and trust in God; He will always be there to guide and protect you.
Immaculée emphasized the power and importance of prayer. “If you don’t pray, the enemy will take you down slowly. But if you pray, you will keep discovering God,” she explained.
Immaculée’s prayers were not always obedient. She recalls not being able to say, as we forgive those who trespass against us, in the Lord’s Prayer. While she was hiding in a bathroom for 91 days during the genocide – being hunted by men she knew, men who were her neighbors – she just could not bring herself to forgive their trespasses. But she kept praying, and God helped her forgive her enemies. She came to understand the mercy of God and how mercy gives people the opportunity to change.
In an instant, social media has the power to ruin reputations by broadcasting mistakes people make, but mercy would have us reacting with patience and kindness.
Immaculée describes, “Mercy as a human being is that you wait for another person. You root for them inside your heart and give them a chance to make mistakes, and again, love them through it and wish them good.”
Many factors influenced the actions of the perpetrators of the Rwandan genocide. Men and women made horrific mistakes that led to the loss of hundreds of thousands of lives, but Immaculée encourages us to remember the actions of a good mother. When a child does something wrong, the mother is just waiting for the child to make the smallest effort at an apology so that she can offer her forgiveness with an embrace.
Immaculée reminds us, “Mercy is really realizing that the person is good deep down – that the person can change. They have the capacity to choose hell or to choose heaven. To have mercy is to see somebody who doesn’t know what they do.”
Although in her heart Immaculée knows that people are good, extending mercy to those who killed her family and would have killed her did not come without a profound interior struggle. There was a time during her confinement that she “hit a wall of incomprehension.” She did not spiral into darkness because she held tightly to her Rosary and prayed. There was no satisfactory answer about why the genocide happened, but she found solace in knowing she was not the first person to feel the effects of the chaos, hurt and abuse that is the natural consequence to the acceptance of evil.
“We are between the influence of the devil and the influence of God, and it’s up to us which one we say yes to,” Immaculée said. Through it all, Immaculée still had hope. Her hope in God and in the Catholic faith sustained her. Immaculée asked, “How can I lose everything and still have hope?” She points to prayer again and again. She does not consider herself an orphan because, “God is there. I am not alone.” She has a firm faith that she will see her family again in heaven.
Immaculée lost so much and was exposed to so much evil during the genocide, but she came to know Jesus so much better. She came to understand how to love. God is love, and His mercy is infinite, but love demands justice.
“When it comes to those who have done crimes – yes, there must be a consequence. But it should be done with love, not anger or revenge. My concern is always: How many more people can this person hurt? And how can we help them change? We shouldn’t be destroying each other. We should be helping each other,” said Immaculée.
So, would you be able to forgive the people who murdered your family? Immaculée’s answer — earned through unspeakable suffering and sustained by prayer — is that you can, but not alone. We all experience pain and suffering brought on by evil deeds, and none of us are equal to forgiving them on our own strength. That is precisely her point. Pray, she urges; pray to God, trust in His mercy, and He will do in your heart what you cannot do for yourself.
For more information please visit immaculee.com or contact Immaculée at info@immaculee.com.
(Photos by Jen Reed and Laura Loose, The Catholic Witness.)
By Laura Loose, The Catholic Witness
